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It’s hard to pick a book we haven’t read for book club.  What if it flops with our people?  What if it’s just bad?  I’m of the opinion that selecting a bad book for book club is hard to do because even if it’s not the book for a reader, there’s usually something to talk about.  We didn’t have those concerns when we picked Neil Gaiman’s American Gods because we’ve read Gaiman before, and he has a bit of a reputation.  Even if this isn’t your jam, we hope you’ll find pieces to enjoy, and we are confident there will be pieces to discuss at Virtual Book Club on Friday, May 7 at 7:30 p.m. CST.  Let us know if you’re planning to join in the conversation!

We interrupt this post to let you know that Amazon’s World Book Day celebration is going on now through 11:59 pm PDT on April 24, 2021.  As part of this celebration, Amazon is gifting readers 10 kindle books in translation to help facilitate a world of exploration.  If one looks like fun for book club, let us know!  We’re planning for fall already!

Let’s hop in the way back machine, shall we?  Three years ago, way back at the beginning of 2018, I started listening to The Popcast with Knox and Jamie. I’m sure you’ll be shocked to know that I think Anne Bogel introduced me to this pair.  I don’t remember exactly how it came to be, because the podcast / book world is terribly incestuious (see also That Sounds Fun with Annie F. Downs where Knox and Jamie were on couples month in 2019 and then interviewed Annie when her latest book came out just a few months ago, as well as numerous mentions back and forth with The Lazy Genius with Kendra Adachi).  My introduction might have been when Knox McCoy was on episode 71 of What Should I Read Next Podcast, but Jamie really closed the deal for me.  Yes, Jamie B. Golden (was in episode 1 (which I haven’t listened to) of What Should I Read Next Podcast and episode 5 of The Lazy Genius (which is a joy), but I feel like episode 114 was what pushed me over the edge, and what a long, strange, fantastic trip it’s been.  The only thing I’d change, is I’d get on the Popcast train sooner!  Most episodes there is a point at which I am laughing so hard either I can’t catch my breath or I’m crying.  I’m not sad, as I truly adore it, especially when it feels like either Knox or Jamie is out to make the other one break.  (I do listen with headphones or alone in the car.  I did suggest the Popcast to a co-worker, but we don’t listen out loud at work.  I would not listen with my elementary age children.  All the same goes for their sister podcast, The Bible Binge.)  And that’s the long version of my love for all things Popcast, which is how All Things Reconsidered landed on my TBR.  

Knox McCoy is a podcast producer (see also episodes 1-11 of What Should I Read Next), an author, and an all around hilarious person.  It likely helps that he grew up, and until a few years ago, lived fairly close to where Ashley and I went to college.  (It’s not creepy if it’s on his public LinkedIn, right?!).  From listening to The Popcast, All Things Reconsidered was written with all of the conversational wit and snark that I expected, and readers, I am HERE. FOR. IT.  Knox outlines his reconsiderations, how they went down, and where he landed, and it was great comedy – super funny, and very thought provoking.  If you’re into audiobooks, Knox reads it!  And Jamie reads her forward! (I read, I didn’t listen, but these two are in my ears plenty already.)

Enneagram folks may be interested to know Knox identifies as a 5, which makes me love him more because I wing 5, so I get the need to deep dive (and no, I don’t know what Ashley’s #1 excuse is, but she’ll share shortly).  I love the deep dive into reconsiderations of self, life, and beliefs, which are the sections of the book.  Knox shares that he’s

“always been much more interested in why people think and believe what they do as opposed to the contents of the beliefs.  The why is infinitely more fascinating to me, as it contains an entire universe of experiences that help [him] not just understand a belief, but also empathize with it.”

The whys are my favorite for this precise reason.  What people think or the decisions they make aren’t that enlightening, but understanding why a decision is made, that’s where the understanding is, and as Knox says, the empathy.  And isn’t that what we all need more of, now more than ever?  

I’m not likely to reread All Things Reconsidered, but I might listen to Knox read it to me sometime, and I’m more likely to pick up Knox’s first book, The Wondering Years, which I own and haven’t read (it’s a problem, I know).  I give All Things Reconsidered a solid 4 stars with joy.  This book has made me think a lot about the potential for reconsideration of many more things than I’ve already reconsidered over the past year.  It’s a serious, yet light-hearted way to jump start your own reconsiderations.

What have you reconsidered lately?  

~Nikki 

The reason that “On Wednesdays I Popcast” and I occasionally Bible Binge is hundop Nikki’s fault. I’m not sad or placing blame, it’s just the facts. Knox McCoy and Jamie B. Golden (and, when present, Erin H. Moon) are more often than not the highlight of my podcast week and I have a schedule that involves at least one podcast episode release a day. Jamie B. might be my PMG (The Popcast Media Group) spirit animal, but Knox is the personality foil that Jamie B. and I both need and appreciate. (Jamie has Knox, I have Nikki, it works out.) I’m so glad she helped co-author this book with Knox. (These are her words, as she wrote the foreword.)

I’m not going to ‘deep dive’ Knox’s writing CV, as Nikki so kindly pointed out I tend to do in our typical review posts. I will state that my need for a deep dive is in my training as a historian (yay, college!) and in my need as an Enneagram 1 to have all the information in order to make the right decision. If I have all the information that I can possibly have, I have less of a chance of having made a decision my inner critic will, well, criticize on repeat. I can trust that I had made the best decision given all the information available at the time. In Realtor speak, I like to do my due diligence to cover my butt through the contingencies of life. Which is a little bit like having purposeful opportunities to reconsider a decision as you collect new information.

There is a quotation from a journal of Ralph Waldo Emerson’s  that I have had memorized since childhood: “I wish to say what I think and feel today, with the proviso that tomorrow perhaps I shall contradict it all.” I have consciously and unconsciously lived my life based on this very philosophy. I try to give everyone else in my life the ability to live their life on the very same basis. As Nikki often tells me, “you do you, boo” and we give each other the space to do just that. We can, as human beings, make decisions and then reconsider them when new information arises or circumstances change. I’m going to get very personal here for the rest of the post,  so if you don’t want to know about the biggest reconsideration of my life so far, then, don’t read on.

I had, as far back as I can remember, wanted to be a mother. My change from wanting to be a mommy to NOT wanting to be a mommy (except to my current fur-babies) probably seems like an overnight change to many in my life, even, and perhaps especially, to those closest to me. But, in actuality, it was a years-long journey of reconsiderations. Adam and I got married with the intention of having children that share our DNA and with the plans that I would be the primary caregiver and home manager because that was what I wanted at the time. So, that’s how I made many of the decisions that came up early in our marriage, especially as related to my career, or lack thereof.  I was always preparing for the day when that test would turn positive and our lives would finally be ‘on track.’ I’m not going to go into details of the years of counting fertile cycle days and the doctors appointments that dealt with my infertility, but just know that the emotional scars are there and are a big factor as to why I don’t want to be a parent anymore. When I was 34 I decided that if I wasn’t a parent by 35, that I would be done with trying. When I turned 35, after so much emotional turmoil, putting all my other goals and dreams on hold for one that didn’t have the chance of happening without medical intervention, I decided that being a parent was no longer a goal I held. (You can talk about adoption to yourself in your head, because I had years during my time of wanting to be a parent that I repeatedly said to myself and others that “I could be a mommy tomorrow because there are lots of kids that need my love” and I meant it at the time. That statement doesn’t hold true for me now.) I no longer want to be a parent or a home manager, neither of these jobs currently bring me joy.

I have reconsidered my own desire to be a parent and found that I can be more true to myself and my goals, the goals that I had put on hold for the long years of trying to become a parent and which never went away, but were just waiting ‘for a time when,’ by not having children. I still love kids! I just now want to be the BAE (that’s Best Aunt Ever to those not in the know) to the littles that are in my life. I live for the times when S. says “AA, come see this!” or P. says “It’s Aunt Ashey, not Auntie!” or in anticipation of the day when N. will be walking, talking, and able to join me on BAEcation. And those week-long visits when a new little arrives or a crisis occurs and all hands need to be on deck? I want to BE FULLY PRESENT for the people I love. Did I also grow up with the BAEs, yes, but they brought along my cousins, and, perhaps selfishly, I want to experience my littles where it’s just them and me, full stop. As an adult human being, I want to be able to travel when I want, to sleep, eat, and go to the bathroom as my body dictates. Things that I hear are every parents’ dream [Nikki here: because they are!]. My choice of career is very ‘schedule resistant’ especially in this housing market where if you don’t see the house the first day it’s on the market you’ve officially missed out on that house. I love being available to pick my friends’ kids up from school and take them to Sonic Happy Hour and play games at my house until their parents arrive. We’ve always heard it takes a village, and sometimes members of that village need to be parent-age and childless to have the energy to keep up! That’s me most days and I’m no longer ashamed of that being the choice I make. I’m not ‘missing out.’ Y’all, I get to enjoy all the good parts and none of the sickness and poop! You can have the littles back for those parts.

Don’t allow other peoples’ judgements or expectations for your own life stop you from making the decisions you make. Read books that make you think, like All Things Reconsidered did for me. Constantly reconsider your goals and beliefs because you are constantly gathering more information, thinking different thoughts, and experiencing different emotions. Change your mind every day because new information has arisen. Keep it to yourself or shout it for the world to hear, that is your decision to make, and my responsibility not to judge your decision either way. You do you, BAE.

~Ashley

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