Heart Wants Books

Non-Fiction Feature: All Things Reconsidered

April 19, 2021

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It’s hard to pick a book we haven’t read for book club. What if it flops with our people? What if it’s just bad? I’m of the opinion that selecting a bad book for book club is hard to do because even if it’s not the book for a reader, there’s usually something to talk about. We didn’t have those concerns when we picked Neil Gaiman’s American Gods because we’ve read Gaiman before, and he has a bit of a reputation. Even if this isn’t your jam, we hope you’ll find pieces to enjoy, and we are confident there will be pieces to discuss at Virtual Book Club on Friday, May 7 at 7:30 p.m. CST. Let us know if you’re planning to join in the conversation!

We interrupt this post to let you know that Amazon’s World Book Day celebration is going on now through 11:59 pm PDT on April 24, 2021. As part of this celebration, Amazon is gifting readers 10 kindle books in translation to help facilitate a world of exploration. If one looks like fun for book club, let us know! We’re planning for fall already!

Knox McCoy, Kendra Adachi, Emily P. Freeman, & Jamie B. Golden from Emily P. Freeman

Let’s hop in the way back machine, shall we? Three years ago, way back at the beginning of 2018, I started listening to The Popcast with Knox and Jamie. I’m sure you’ll be shocked to know that I think Anne Bogel introduced me to this pair. I don’t remember exactly how it came to be, because the podcast / book world is terribly incestuious (see also That Sounds Fun with Annie F. Downs where Knox and Jamie were on couples month in 2019 and then interviewed Annie when her latest book came out just a few months ago, as well as numerous mentions back and forth with The Lazy Genius with Kendra Adachi). My introduction might have been when Knox McCoy was on episode 71 of What Should I Read Next Podcast, but Jamie really closed the deal for me. Yes, Jamie B. Golden (was in episode 1 (which I haven’t listened to) of What Should I Read Next Podcast and episode 5 of The Lazy Genius (which is a joy), but I feel like episode 114 was what pushed me over the edge, and what a long, strange, fantastic trip it’s been. The only thing I’d change, is I’d get on the Popcast train sooner! Most episodes there is a point at which I am laughing so hard either I can’t catch my breath or I’m crying. I’m not sad, as I truly adore it, especially when it feels like either Knox or Jamie is out to make the other one break. (I do listen with headphones or alone in the car. I did suggest the Popcast to a co-worker, but we don’t listen out loud at work. I would not listen with my elementary age children. All the same goes for their sister podcast, The Bible Binge.) And that’s the long version of my love for all things Popcast, which is how All Things Reconsidered landed on my TBR.

Knox McCoy from Goodreads

Knox McCoy is a podcast producer (see also episodes 1-11 of What Should I Read Next), an author, and an all around hilarious person. It likely helps that he grew up, and until a few years ago, lived fairly close to where Ashley and I went to college. (It’s not creepy if it’s on his public LinkedIn, right?!). From listening to The Popcast, All Things Reconsidered was written with all of the conversational wit and snark that I expected, and readers, I am HERE. FOR. IT. Knox outlines his reconsiderations, how they went down, and where he landed, and it was great comedy – super funny, and very thought provoking. If you’re into audiobooks, Knox reads it! And Jamie reads her forward! (I read, I didn’t listen, but these two are in my ears plenty already.)

Enneagram folks may be interested to know Knox identifies as a 5, which makes me love him more because I wing 5, so I get the need to deep dive (and no, I don’t know what Ashley’s #1 excuse is, but she’ll share shortly). I love the deep dive into reconsiderations of self, life, and beliefs, which are the sections of the book. Knox shares that he’s

“always been much more interested in why people think and believe what they do as opposed to the contents of the beliefs. The why is infinitely more fascinating to me, as it contains an entire universe of experiences that help [him] not just understand a belief, but also empathize with it.”

The whys are my favorite for this precise reason. What people think or the decisions they make aren’t that enlightening, but understanding why a decision is made, that’s where the understanding is, and as Knox says, the empathy. And isn’t that what we all need more of, now more than ever?

I’m not likely to reread All Things Reconsidered, but I might listen to Knox read it to me sometime, and I’m more likely to pick up Knox’s first book, The Wondering Years, which I own and haven’t read (it’s a problem, I know). I give All Things Reconsidered a solid 4 stars with joy. This book has made me think a lot about the potential for reconsideration of many more things than I’ve already reconsidered over the past year. It’s a serious, yet light-hearted way to jump start your own reconsiderations.

What have you reconsidered lately?

~Nikki

The reason that “On Wednesdays I Popcast” and I occasionally Bible Binge is hundop Nikki’s fault. I’m not sad or placing blame, it’s just the facts. Knox McCoy and Jamie B. Golden (and, when present, Erin H. Moon) are more often than not the highlight of my podcast week and I have a schedule that involves at least one podcast episode release a day. Jamie B. might be my PMG (The Popcast Media Group) spirit animal, but Knox is the personality foil that Jamie B. and I both need and appreciate. (Jamie has Knox, I have Nikki, it works out.) I’m so glad she helped co-author this book with Knox. (These are her words, as she wrote the foreword.)

I’m not going to ‘deep dive’ Knox’s writing CV, as Nikki so kindly pointed out I tend to do in our typical review posts. I will state that my need for a deep dive is in my training as a historian (yay, college!) and in my need as an Enneagram 1 to have all the information in order to make the right decision. If I have all the information that I can possibly have, I have less of a chance of having made a decision my inner critic will, well, criticize on repeat. I can trust that I had made the best decision given all the information available at the time. In Realtor speak, I like to do my due diligence to cover my butt through the contingencies of life. Which is a little bit like having purposeful opportunities to reconsider a decision as you collect new information.

There is a quotation from a journal of Ralph Waldo Emerson’s that I have had memorized since childhood: “I wish to say what I think and feel today, with the proviso that tomorrow perhaps I shall contradict it all.” I have consciously and unconsciously lived my life based on this very philosophy. I try to give everyone else in my life the ability to live their life on the very same basis. As Nikki often tells me, “you do you, boo” and we give each other the space to do just that. We can, as human beings, make decisions and then reconsider them when new information arises or circumstances change. I’m going to get very personal here for the rest of the post, so if you don’t want to know about the biggest reconsideration of my life so far, then, don’t read on.

I had, as far back as I can remember, wanted to be a mother. My change from wanting to be a mommy to NOT wanting to be a mommy (except to my current fur-babies) probably seems like an overnight change to many in my life, even, and perhaps especially, to those closest to me. But, in actuality, it was a years-long journey of reconsiderations. Adam and I got married with the intention of having children that share our DNA and with the plans that I would be the primary caregiver and home manager because that was what I wanted at the time. So, that’s how I made many of the decisions that came up early in our marriage, especially as related to my career, or lack thereof. I was always preparing for the day when that test would turn positive and our lives would finally be ‘on track.’ I’m not going to go into details of the years of counting fertile cycle days and the doctors appointments that dealt with my infertility, but just know that the emotional scars are there and are a big factor as to why I don’t want to be a parent anymore. When I was 34 I decided that if I wasn’t a parent by 35, that I would be done with trying. When I turned 35, after so much emotional turmoil, putting all my other goals and dreams on hold for one that didn’t have the chance of happening without medical intervention, I decided that being a parent was no longer a goal I held. (You can talk about adoption to yourself in your head, because I had years during my time of wanting to be a parent that I repeatedly said to myself and others that “I could be a mommy tomorrow because there are lots of kids that need my love” and I meant it at the time. That statement doesn’t hold true for me now.) I no longer want to be a parent or a home manager, neither of these jobs currently bring me joy.

I have reconsidered my own desire to be a parent and found that I can be more true to myself and my goals, the goals that I had put on hold for the long years of trying to become a parent and which never went away, but were just waiting ‘for a time when,’ by not having children. I still love kids! I just now want to be the BAE (that’s Best Aunt Ever to those not in the know) to the littles that are in my life. I live for the times when S. says “AA, come see this!” or P. says “It’s Aunt Ashey, not Auntie!” or in anticipation of the day when N. will be walking, talking, and able to join me on BAEcation. And those week-long visits when a new little arrives or a crisis occurs and all hands need to be on deck? I want to BE FULLY PRESENT for the people I love. Did I also grow up with the BAEs, yes, but they brought along my cousins, and, perhaps selfishly, I want to experience my littles where it’s just them and me, full stop. As an adult human being, I want to be able to travel when I want, to sleep, eat, and go to the bathroom as my body dictates. Things that I hear are every parents’ dream [Nikki here: because they are!]. My choice of career is very ‘schedule resistant’ especially in this housing market where if you don’t see the house the first day it’s on the market you’ve officially missed out on that house. I love being available to pick my friends’ kids up from school and take them to Sonic Happy Hour and play games at my house until their parents arrive. We’ve always heard it takes a village, and sometimes members of that village need to be parent-age and childless to have the energy to keep up! That’s me most days and I’m no longer ashamed of that being the choice I make. I’m not ‘missing out.’ Y’all, I get to enjoy all the good parts and none of the sickness and poop! You can have the littles back for those parts.

Don’t allow other peoples’ judgements or expectations for your own life stop you from making the decisions you make. Read books that make you think, like All Things Reconsidered did for me. Constantly reconsider your goals and beliefs because you are constantly gathering more information, thinking different thoughts, and experiencing different emotions. Change your mind every day because new information has arisen. Keep it to yourself or shout it for the world to hear, that is your decision to make, and my responsibility not to judge your decision either way. You do you, BAE.

~Ashley

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Book Review

The Queen’s Fortune by Allison Pataki

April 15, 2021

Neil Gaiman’s American Gods feels like a dramatic turn from today’s book on a young woman during the French revolution, but is it really? Napoleon may have acted like he was a god, but he wasn’t even the Sun King. He was beloved by the French people, and one might argue was the Revolution personified. I do wonder how different today’s tale is from one that includes “an epic war for the very soul of America” but time will tell, and quickly, as our next virtual book club is coming up on Friday, May 7 at 7:30 p.m. CST. Let us know if you’re planning to join in the conversation!

Let me begin at the beginning with when The Queen’s Fortune landed on my TBR list, and thus Ashley’s. Honestly, I don’t know, but it was most definitely the first time I heard it was coming. I have read and adored all of Allison Pataki’s books for adults, even if I didn’t appreciate the ending (I’m looking at you Sisi). Even her memoir, Beauty in the Broken Places was gorgeous, and I’d highly recommend it. Was it hard to get Ashley to read this with me? Nope. We both studied French, have traveled to Paris, and aspire to go again, so when I proposed a story of the revolution with an author whose writing and commitment to research was top notch, she was in!

Oh readers, one thing I love and hate about historical novels that are about real people is the self control it requires of me not to Google and ruin the ending (which Ashley will do below – you’ve been warned). When the prologue opens in Stockholm in 1880 and I know I’m reading a book that’s going to heavily be spending time with Napoleon, I’m confused. All is revealed by the ending, and I did not Google it (not even yet, but soon I will dive DEEP down that rabbit hole). I now want to know all the things about Desiree Clary and what her (actual) life was like, including all the things that lead her to Sweden. Pataki’s books land in my sweet spot- the untold story of the women ignored by the male writers of history. Just as Napoleon directed the participants to be included in Jacques-Louis David’s painting(s) of his coronation, these men who were the victors determined what stories we received and I am so grateful for researchers and writers who dig in to the information available and fill in the gaps, even if it is fictionalized.

As we are in these strange times of continuing pandemic, renewed fight for racial justice, and demands to return to “normal,” I found it cathartic to dig into this tale with sixteen-year-old Desiree and her 22-year-old sister Julie as they struggled to navigate life as bourgeoise women in Marseille during the Reign of Terror, and I was here for it when scrappy Napoleone di Buonaparte (his original, Corsican/Italian name) joins in the scene. The way Napoleon is described, from his humble beginnings to his struggles to hold onto power (if it’s history, it’s not a spoiler, right?!) finally made him into a dimensional character rather than only a power hungry monster. (Was he also a power hungry monster? Yes, but that wasn’t all.) But the best part was getting to know Desiree, and through her, Julie and Josephine.

Desiree Clary by Robert Lefèvre, 1807, from Wikipedia

While Napoleon’s rise and fall is chronicled in this text, the story is really about the women of his inner circle. Desiree is our narrator who leads us on this adventure, showing us the splendor and struggles of post-revolutionary France as it sought to find itself and rise from the bloody trenches. Desiree, Julie, and Josephine all seek to make the most of the circumstances in which they find themselves, courtesy of the men around them. Josephine transforms into what Napoleon needs her to be as that shifts and changes, doing everything in her power for the man she loves. Julie is the dutiful wife and sister supporting her husband in his support of his famous brother. And Desiree patiently waits until Napoleon is ready for her to play her part too and then she does. Her life isn’t easy, despite her privileged place in society, but she fares better than many, both during that time and of that status, and the ending was really hopeful and beautiful – and I want it to be true because I want to read the biographies that she helps to shape of herself and her husband. Maybe it is true, but just not in English, and my French is no longer up to the task. [Neither is Ashley’s.]

I give The Queen’s Fortune three and a half stars and will round up to four. The writing was gorgeous, the descriptions amazing, and I was sucked into the page. I wanted more in the last part of the book, more around Bernadotte’s political ideology adjusting to align with his acceptance of a crown, and more in the author’s notes about what is fact and what is fiction. I don’t know that I’ll reread it, but I’m very interested in reading more about Desiree and Bernadotte and maybe even watching Jean Simmons and Marlon Brando play them in Desiree, based on the book by Annemarie Selinko. I have read all of Pataki’s backlist, and I’m automatically interested in whatever project she’s working on next! If you’re interested in the ideas or time frame, check out Where the Light Falls for a less bourgeois perspective on the early years of the revolution.

~Nikki

Don’t sleep on the author’s notes. I think that’s the best advice we give here at Heart.Wants.Books. and The Queen’s Fortune by Allison Pataki proves this true. I loved learning that Pataki’s obsession with Désirée Clary Bernadotte began with a question posed by her father, “one of the greatest history geeks I know:

‘Allison, what do you know about Desiree Clary? Desiree Bernadotte? The Frenchwoman, Desiree?’… ‘Honestly? Nothing.’ ‘You should look into her. Her life – you cannot believe it’s true. But it is.’”

The fact that Pataki allowed her father to ‘should’ on her in such a manner speaks well for their understanding of each other as people, but that’s a discussion for another time. Pataki is the New York Times bestselling author of historical fiction The Traitor’s Wife, The Accidental Empress, Sisi, Where the Light Falls, and The Queen’s Fortune. She has co-written two children’s picture books with Marya Myers, Poppy Takes Paris and Nelly Takes New York, both illustrated by Kristi Valiant. Her memoir, Beauty in the Broken Places, captures her memories of before and feelings during and after her husband suffered a stroke at the age of 30 on the flight to their ‘babymoon.’ [Nikki here: It sounds depressing, but it’s actually uplifting.] Pataki left a journalist’s life in NYC because her novel writing after work and on weekends gave her more fulfillment than the stress of the 24-hour news cycle. She currently lives in New York with her husband and family.

Nikki had me recommending The Queen’s Fortune to the digital library before its publication in February of 2020 because it seemed inherently interesting. (Also, I won a dead-tree copy of the book from Goodreads which Nikki ended up reading and I read the digital copy from the library, because we’re clearing that holds list this month!) It’s the story of Désirée Clary, the former fiancée of Napoleon Bonaparte, whose elder sister marries Napoleon’s elder brother Joseph, is a sometime friend of Empress Josephine, and who ultimately becomes Queen of Sweden and Norway not because she marries the king, but because her French husband is elected to the kingship! Y’all, it’s history. It’s all on the Wikipedia and in the marketing copy, and I, unlike Nikki, deep-dived because, well, reasons and needs. Deep-rooted and habitual, a historian has needs which must quench my thirst for answers. Because Pataki’s writing left me needing answers. Let me extrapolate a moment.

Were Pataki’s characterizations of historical figures able to bring a humanity to them not found in nonfiction? So much yes. Her descriptions of the fashion, familial and political machinations, and geography that surrounded Désirée are like cream to a cat for me. Did I find myself repeatedly mapping Paris on my computer for reference as Désirée travelled the city? Hundop. Did I just get caught up in my Paris pictures from 2004 because I needed to find this exceptionally fuzzy photograph of me at Napoleon’s Tomb in The Dome at Musée de l’Armée to share with you? Also, yes. Was I annoyed Every. Stinking. Time. I was forced to read Desiree instead of Désirée? SO DANG MUCH! Even Wikipedia has the accent aigu over the Es because one of these words is not like the other and it MATTERS. Additionally, I felt that near the end of the book the timeline was considerably more rushed than at the beginning of Désirée’s life. The jump in years was significant between chapters and I would have loved to understand her life and place at court in Sweden in a more intimate way than just how she was the observer at big royal events. Who she became as Queen and Queen Mother after she left Paris for good is more of the story I want. Wikipedia actually helped fill in those holes for me.

Overall, I give The Queen’s Fortune a three star review. The writing was good, the historical research for Désirée’s life in France was superb, and it met expectations overall, but I really felt a lack at the end of the book even though the beginning really held up. She was losing me at the battle by battle narration after Napoleon became Emperor, and by then I just needed more of what pulled me in at the beginning: Désirée’s relationships.

~Ashley

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Book Review•Bookish Life

Virtual Book Club Recap: Don’t Overthink It by Anne Bogel

April 12, 2021

Sometimes when a title is adapted for the screen, it’s a cry for you to read it. I wish that was how American Gods ended up on my reading list, but it doesn’t matter how, just that it did, and that Ashley and I are inviting you to join us in reading it, talking about it, and also asking if there are other titles that have been adapted and we really need to read before viewing. Let us know what titles should be on our TBR list in the comments, and then sign up here to join us Friday, May 7 at 7:30 p.m. CST to discuss Neil Gaiman’s American Gods.

Several local-to-me readers have a Facebook group wherein members share what titles they’re currently reading and brief comments on them. I’m not super active on Facebook, and I’m not super active in this group, but when it was school board meeting week, and decision week for online versus in person school for the fall semester, and my current read was Don’t Overthink It: Make Easier Decisions, Stop Second-Guessing, and Bring More Joy To Your Life by Anne Bogel I posted the cover along with “I’m not sure if this is a great choice or a bad choice two days before the spring school registration deadline, but I’m feeling seen.” Was I overthinking that education choice? Most definitely. As is my habit, we made the decision early in the spring semester based on a variety of considerations (the same we’d used for the last two semesters, with their updated data), yet in the middle of the semester I was still agonizing over if it was the right choice for our children and our family. Was it the right choice? Who knows, but we made the best decision with the information we had and there was no way to get more. Did my agonizing change anything? Other than my stress level? Nope. Maybe how my children should be educated during a pandemic is a bad example, but it’s real life.

How does this relate to virtual book club? This Facebook group feels like the 10 second version of book club, and I adore it for popping in, but nothing is like the bibliotherapy feeling of just having attended a fantastic book club, and that’s how our chat on Don’t Overthink It went! It was a glorious conversation about life, and habits that are and aren’t serving us well. We discussed Bogel’s examples in the book, and how it changed the way I look at grocery store flowers (unlike Bogel I don’t buy them every time, but if I have an urge, and something stands out I do), but we all still overthink things that don’t warrant as much attention as we give them. I think there’s a lot to be said for verbalizing our struggles and sharing them with others. It made me feel better to know I’m not alone, and I’m excited to follow up with the attendees to see how they’re progressing on making easier decisions, stopping second-guessing, and bringing more joy to life! Book club already brought me more joy and is definitely an easy decision for me.

This is how I overthink paint colors. Still, 24 hours later!

And now, for an update: Something that’s not an easy decision for me, paint colors. After being in my house what feels like nonstop for 13 months (it isn’t far from accurate), I am desperate for the walls in my living room and eating area (aka office and classroom) to be painted. I didn’t like this beige-peach color when we saw the house 8 years ago, and I like it less since I’ve been staring at it daily. Inspired by Don’t Overthink It, I’m finally ready to pursue hiring painters to come in and paint the walls a color I do like. An often repeated saying at work is “I can do anything, but I can’t do everything” and that mostly applies at home too. I can paint, I’m good at it, despite my perfectionist goals (yes it was hard not to type because of, but I’m leaving despite because words have power), and I enjoy the process when I can dig into it with something fun in my headphones (like how I painted over the yellow in my bedroom listening to A Court of Mist and Fury). But I also want to clean out my closets and declutter my bookshelves and cabinets. I’ve wanted to do those things for over a year, but I haven’t felt like I had the energy to allocate to those tasks so I haven’t done them. I can paint and I can clean out and declutter, but I’m not likely to have the time or the energy to devote to both in the short term. So I’m using another phrase from work that Don’t Overthink It keeps inspiring me to say, “Do the tasks only you can do and delegate the rest.” I’m not overthinking it, no one can clean out my closet for me or declutter my bookshelves and cabinets (ok, so they could but it wouldn’t end well), but they can paint for me, so we’re heading down the road of getting quotes and hiring painters. Am I overthinking paint colors now? Most definitely, but it feels different because I’m aware of it, and I even admitted it. Here’s how that went down: after reviewing all the swatches I have at home, narrowing it to four possible colors, pinning those colors on my board that has my living room furniture and flooring, and phoning a friend (yes, Ashley!), I admitted my overthinking and I sought input. And you know what happened? Ashley picked one of the four, and I immediately knew I preferred a different color. Was I still overthinking it hours later? Yes, but it was down to three, with a very likely front runner, and I was feeling good about the process, not overwhelmed. And also, I’m proud of myself for not looking for other color ideas online or in the store because I had plenty of good color input. Hi I’m an enneagram 6w5 trying to be healthier and realizing I don’t need to look at all the colors before I pick one, I just need to review enough to have a few good options to pick from!

If you overthink things, I highly recommend Don’t Overthink It by Anne Bogel, which I am very likely to reread. It’s real, accessible, and like having a conversation with a friend, not a mental health professional, which is sometimes just the advice I’m looking for. I’m off to light a candle, one of the nice ones. What are you leaning into recently to make your life easier or better?

~Nikki

I know, dear readers, that we have talked about the amazing Anne Bogel so many times on this blog. Between her “lifestyle blog for nerds” Modern Mrs. Darcy, yearly Summer Reading Guides, and podcasts What Should I Read Next and One Great Book a good portion of our TBR lists end up bearing the hashtag: #blameAnne. And, we shall continue to share with you all those readerly things she brings into our lives, from book titles to IRL adventures because we find value and joy in her suggestions.

As an Enneagram 1, I feel deeply seen at the list of “Perfectionism may manifest itself as any of the following” in “Chapter 3: Watch What You’re Doing” of Don’t Overthink It coupled with that chapter’s discussion of analysis paralysis. By paying more attention to where I suffer from analysis paralysis, I have also tried to apply the mantras that “there’s seldom one right answer…there are more often many good answers” and the one that states “you don’t need more information. You need to act.” In the past month since I finished reading, both of these have helped me settle down and prioritize the (neverending) mental list of things that need to be done daily – be they personal care, household chores and activities, or real estate business decisions. I haven’t gotten it all ‘right’ but I have seen improvement, and that’s the point. To see improvement in the areas in which I am struggling in order to form new habits.

But, it’s not just habits, per se, it’s also systems. Habitual systems and rituals that ground you, take the ‘over’ out of the ‘thinking’ and just allow you to be. One example of a system that I have placed in my life over the past few years (on and off depending on household needs and budget) is product subscription. I’m not talking about things like the ‘Fit Fab Fun’ box. I’m talking about things like Amazon Subscribe and Save, where you set and forget the fact that your collagen peptides are going to arrive at the beginning of every month, cat litter comes every three, and vitamins arrive every two. Yes, you might get the ‘what did you order from Amazon?’ question from your husband, but then you remind him that these are daily use items in your household and he’s quiet, cause yes, he puts the collagen in his coffee, too, and the cats need clean litter or… nope we don’t want to consider that. It also can show up in things like “The Miracle Morning” that I discussed almost a year ago in our Books for Grads post. Hal Elrod takes the six things highly successful people do every day and combines them into a daily ritual that can take ten minutes or two hours. The S.A.V.E.R.S. or Silence/Meditation, Affirmations, Visualization, Exercise, Reading and Scribing/Writing, are proven habits that can elevate your success. No bullshit, sitting down in the morning and visualizing the way my day is going to go – by using my planner and analyzing my energy levels – allows me to have a minute of overthinking, squash those what-ifs, and mentally hunker down in order to GET THINGS DONE. I will admit that my biggest struggle in these habits is exercise. I have neither a daily or weekly routine and that makes it tough. I’m filled with excuses, but there it is, and I constantly overthink where I can fit in more ‘body movement’ in my day. I guess we all have to still have ONE area in our lives where we are prone to overthinking. 😉

During our book club discussion, we talked about splurges, and readers, you need to get yourself a Nikki. In Don’t Overthink It, Anne discusses how often times we as women will have something we consider a splurge, be it a high-end wine or a fancy candle that we are saving for ‘a special occasion.’ And, sometimes it might not even BE a fancy candle, but just a candle from a national chain store (or a $5 bouquet of flowers from the grocery store) that we talk ourselves out of buying because we don’t ‘need’ it. Now, back to why you need a Nikki – at VBC I talked about how my favorite scent is Eucalyptus and Spearmint. I use the Dr. Teal’s bath foam, body wash, lotion, and epsom salt soak in my daily bathing routine. My favorite deodorant is the Native brand Eucalyptus and Mint. But, I truly love, and have since I was a teenager, the Bath and Body Works Aromatherapy Stress Relief scent, which is, obviously, Eucalyptus and Spearmint. Last fall I went on a bit of a B&BW binge, and purchased multiple three wick candles, travel sized products, and hand sanitizers. Our budget is not such that I can afford to buy these products at the rate at which I use them, which is why I found the Dr. Teal’s brand for bath time, but I had not found a candle replacement until recently at Dollar General’s new Pop Shelf concept store. It’s not a three wick candle, but it’s the same scent profile and it’s very enjoyable for every day. (I burn a candle most days because the previously mentioned cat box is located in my home office closet. I spend a lot of time at my computer and things can get dicey.) I have been more than satisfied with my $3 B&BW candle dupe. But, an Easter Miracle occurred when I was informed by my book buddy to go check the front porch and a box of MY FAVORITE CANDLES HAD BEEN DELIVERED! ::multiple heart eye emojis:: You know what I’m not gonna do? Overthink about using them, that’s what. I am in medias res of burning another so I’m going to finish that off, but I will only be happy to burn my Easter Miracle candles very, very soon.

Anything that brings you joy, dear reader, don’t overthink it, just buy it or do it, and don’t feel guilty for it. I’m the first to admit I have a bougie planner and sticker habit. (You know this, you see pictures of my planner every Reading Life Review.) I’m not ashamed of it and I will continue to purchase that same planner and sticker subscription for as long as they are produced. (Does the fact that my planner is a tax deduction for my real estate business help me justify the cost, yes, yes it does, but no guilt about that either!) I use them all daily and it makes me happy!

So, this week, go out, find the joy in your habits and rituals, and don’t overthink it!

~Ashley

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Book Review

Sex and Vanity by Kevin Kwan

April 8, 2021

We want to take the time, dear readers, to acknowledge that the month of May is Asian/Pacific American Heritage Month. In these times where domestic terrorist attacks against AAPI (Asian American and Pacific Islander) people are occurring with such frequency, Heart.Wants.Books. wants to state that we celebrate the perspective and history that AAPI people bring to our country and the world. Had we not been planning and prepared for a different theme during May 2021, I am sure that an AAPI History/Heritage theme would have been in the works. Chances are high we will, either together or individually, read a book or two in May to celebrate AAPI Heritage Month and share those with you in our Reading Life Review. Now, back to our regularly scheduled review…

It is hopefully no secret that, sometimes, we should on each other. We should take a shower, we should fuel our bodies well, we should read books by people who don’t look like us, we should read genres that aren’t romance. May’s Virtual Book Club pick fits into a couple of those categories, and one more, it’s been on the TBR list for a bit, because sometimes the TBR list shoulds on us too (like when we want to read A Court of Mist and Fury again). If you’re up for a reading adventure, join us Friday, May 7 at 7:30 p.m. CST to discuss Neil Gaiman’s American Gods, but you do have to sign up here.

Dear readers, Kevin Kwan’s Sex and Vanity has been on my TBR list since it was announced. A readerly friend who read and recommended The Bookwoman of Troublesome Creek read and raved about Crazy Rich Asians, so I knew I needed to jump into Kwan’s work, and a stand alone felt like a great place! Did I know anything about this book aside from title, author, and trusted recommendation? Nope, and I was good with that. AND THEN, I heard it was a retelling of A Room with a View by E. M. Foster and I was HERE FOR IT! Oh friends, I don’t usually keep secrets from Ashley, but this one I did! It’s in the marketing copy, so she could have found it, but as she doesn’t appreciate Foster (or at least doesn’t appreciate A Passage to India), I wasn’t about to ruin this buddy read for myself or my buddy! (And to be perfectly open, I adore A Room with a View, liked Howard’s End, and didn’t finish A Passage to India before my library loan ran out, years ago, so…I don’t appreciate it as much by far.)

I have to admit, I struggled to get into Sex and Vanity at first (but I finished it in four days, so about usual for me). The action opens with Lucie and Charlotte arriving on Capri for nearly a week of lavish wedding festivities. I wanted the Italian pieces to be more like Our Italian Summer by Jennifer Probst, but they were definitely more Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous. That was my issue – the sheer excess of all of the festivities, with each day’s outdoing the last.

Leaving aside the excesses of the characters (which does happen, relatively, quickly in the text), Sex and Vanity was a joy to read, and I’m really glad I knew it was a retelling going in. Honestly, reading this made me wonder if A Room with a View is a loose Pride and Prejudice reimaging. They’re both enemies to lovers romance stories with a double side of societal commentary, and then each goes about its own path. Whether or not Forster was inspired in some way by Austen, I really appreciated the additions to the A Room with a View retelling that a 2020 lens (pun intended) added to it with Lucie working to find her place as the daughter of an American born Chinese mother and an old money father. Not only did Lucie have to overcome her prejudice against George (and his mother, Rosemary), but she also had to come to grips with who she is, just as her mother has to acknowledge the family and parenting choices she made about connecting with different sides of the family after Lucie’s dad passed away when she was young.

My favorite part of Sex and Vanity is not the romance or the setting, but all the other familial pieces that come into play outside of our main romance story line. Lucie and her brother become closer as they reveal parts of their mutual lived experience that landed differently with each of them. We get to spend time with Lucie’s mom and see her, Rosemary, and Charlotte become more complex supporting characters. And we get to know Auden, who I would LOVE to know in person (although I do not support the practice of puppy yoga as it does not work out at my house). I don’t know that I’ll reread Sex and Vanity, but I give it an enthusiastic four stars, and I’m even more interested in Kwan’s backlist than before!

What’s your favorite retelling?

~Nikki

In 2014, the year after his debut novel Crazy Rich Asians was published, author Kevin Kwan was named as one of “Five Writers to Watch” by The Hollywood Reporter and in 2018 was named to Time magazine’s “100 Most Influential People in the World” – the year of the film release based on the book. (I love that romantic comedy even though I’ve only watched the movie and not read the book, I know, I know.) Crazy Rich Asians has been translated into over 30 languages and has two sequels, China Rich Girlfriend and Rich People Problems. For multiple weeks in 2018, the books of the trilogy held the top three spots on The New York Times bestseller list, an almost unprecedented feat. Sex and Vanity is his fourth novel and was published in June of 2020. Kwan was born in Singapore, but his family emigrated to Texas when he was 11 years old. He earned his BA in Media Studies from University of Houston-Clear Lake and his BFA in Photography from Parsons School of Design in Manhattan.

I really appreciate this quote from Jon M. Chu, director of Crazy Rich Asians: “I think Kevin’s work has such a biting wit to it. It’s a commentary on wealth, on class, on human beings and our greedy nature, and he does it with such sugary delight. You really get a sense of this world that readers have never been to—that I haven’t been to—and he has fun with it. It’s very entertaining; it’s not just cerebral.” And that is what every page of Sex and Vanity is filled with, entertainment by the almost scathing social commentary against the monied class. I’ll be the first one to admit my bougie tastes have gotten me into trouble a time or two, but that’s because I don’t come from money and certainly haven’t earned and saved up enough in my working years to justify the price point of my desires. Pottery Barn taste on a Target budget, am I right?!

But, that’s what Kwan does SO WELL here. The character of Lucie Churchill just felt like me, but with way more dollar signs. And when I say ME, I meant the humanity of emotions, not physically, financially, or by personal experience. Kwan knows what and how the Manhattan social structure works because he has been a part of it, a self-admitted outsider that “was never a threat” but still vacationing to the Hamptons and even Capri, even though he now spends most of his time in L.A. rather than Manhattan. The hardest hang of the entire novel was the overt yet barely discussed racism against Lucie, her brother, and mother, by her father’s side of the family and then everyone else in their social circle, even the Asians. There’s one of the final scenes in the novel where she finally explains to her cousin Charlotte all of the ways she had been made to feel less than her entire life. I’m going to leave it up to you to read how the scene ends, but it really helped me to love Lucie even more.

And you know what else I love more? Finding out that Sex and Vanity is the first in another trilogy, (and surprising Nikki with this information when she goes to edit my -ish) a series of books where each book is an homage to international cities that Kwan loves the next two being London and Paris. And I am SO HERE FOR THEM since this 4.5 star read is rounded up to 5 on my judgement chart.

~Ashley

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